“When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes”
Def Leppard certainly did not have Osama bin Laden being offed in mind, when they penned those lyrics but strangely, the lyrics of a sappy 80s hair-metal ballad fit the description of one of the most historically significant events of this young decade.
By now even the most ardent of the below-the-rock dwellers, know how Osama got his comeuppance from the elite US Navy Seal Team 6, one round above the left eye and one in the chest, in a harmonic rendition of the double tap. Random tip (100% free desi ishtyle): always use the double tap when dealing with zombies.
And while we’re at it, let’s call his assassination, ummmm, an assassination, not a killing, slaying or death. Not that it matters anyway, but there’s no shame in this assassination, the bastard deserved to die. I would’ve personally derived great pleasure in doing it myself and I’m not that violent of a person at all, but I digress. The other option would’ve been to capture him and hand him over to his buddies at the TSA as test dummy, but again I digress.

Now that everybody and their uncle has analyzed “the incident” and conspiracy theorists notwithstanding, it’s time for the questions to flow more freely than Osama’s brain matter on the floor of his million dollar mansion, a mere stone’s throw from what can only be described as Pakistan’s version of the West Point.
Q. How the hell did they track him down?
A. Osama was fond of making tapes no one really wanted to see and sending them using a personal courier. Track the product, find the source. In software terms, we call it reverse engineering.
Q. How do we know that Bin Laden is dead?
A. The more important question is, will be pull a Tupac Shakur and continue acting and rapping long after his death. There is no convincing the non-believers, look at the moon landing conspiracy theorists for instance. So screw the non-believers and lets crack open an ice-cold desi tharra instead to celebrate this mosht wondrous occasion.
Q. Pics/video or it didn’t happen
A. This is one of Barack Obama’s shining moments as President of the US&A. Surely, you want him to wait till the elections for the multimedia ppt presentation of Osama’s death?
Q. Why did they bury him at sea?
A. Feeding it to the sharks as opposed to maggots? Good question. I guess at least the sharks have fricking lasers attached to their heads.
Q. Are we any safer?
A. This question was filed from the chronicles of the clueless and the naive. No, not really. But the revenge curry does taste yummy.
Q. Did the Pakistani army know Bin Laden was living in their midst?
Not that Osama being in Pakistan came as a big surprise, in fact far from it, it would’ve shocked me if he had turned up anywhere else. But to me the biggest, pardon my Hindi, WTF question stems from where he was found, as stated earlier, a mere stone’s throw from what can only be described as Pakistan’s version of the West Point. Did the Pakistani authorities not know he was living in a million dollar piece of property with high fences and barbed wires and killer Afghan hounds, to quote a cliche, right under their hirsute noses? As CIA Director Leon Panetta rightly asks “Involved or Incompetent”? On an unrelated note, the same people apparently handle nucular weapons.
Other random stuff:
-Can we have an elite Indian commando team gatecrash the Dawood Ibrahim compound in Pakistan? He’s another candidate full worthy of the double tap love.
-How cool is the story of Shoaib Athar, a Pakistani IT consultant, who accidentally live-tweeted the entire incident? **Insert shameless plug for the Über Desi Twitter feed**
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