Press report

April 27, 2009

Uberdesi Institute of Unfine Arts.

With the latest advances in the science of shoe flinging across the globe, we are pleased to announce a new diploma program that is open to domestic and foreign students of all races, gender and age.Our introductory brochure will give you more details about the program.

http://www.hindu.com/thehindu/holnus/000200904072026.htm

History:

Shoe flinging has traditionally  been an Asian concept, where you are taught that your own foot is the dirtiest part of your body and since a shoe or other footwear covers it, it’s the lowliest form of god’s creation. In India,  ‘jhoothe leke maroonga, saale’ (Hindi), or ‘cheppu ichkoni kod-tha’(Telugu), sarupa tooki adipen (Tamil) are part of the thesauri of swear words that mean essentially a threat to dishonor someone for the rest of their lives by hitting them with footwear, and such vernacular was more often heard in between relatives who held a grudge against the division of property of their in-laws etc, but seemingly fought over trivial issues without openly acknowledging the actual cause of the quarrel.

With the globalization across the errr,…globe, and in a beautiful way of exchange of cultures, where the Englishman gave us shoes, and boots, and in return we taught them how to kill someone emotionally by flinging a pair of shoes. Englishmen under the false impression that it was the Asian version of Mardigras or pillow fight seemingly enjoyed it, until a not-so-gentle fling broke someone’s teeth, and all hell broke loose.

This was all decades ago, and now with the proper timing and the opportune environment, shoe flinging can do wonders. It all started (again) with an Iraqi journalist throwing both his shoes at George W. Bush. Since then in an amazing adoption of the practices against the  ‘western’ world, India chose to lead the pack of nations in Indians throwing shoes at their beloved leaders.

And in an interesting aspect of sociobiology – there’s always someone stepping up to reward the shoe thrower. The Iraqi shoe throwing journalist got offers of marriage from a girls’ father, who had never seen the person……, in person.

An organization called SAD, sadly, announced a reward for the Indian journalist who threw a shoe at P C Chidambaram, an accomplished and somewhat respected politician who belongs to the minority group of highly educated politicians in the country.

After journalists, whose pen was considered mightier than a sword, decided that their shoe was in fact mightier than their pen, showed us exemplary courage, commoners under the influence of rival political parties have taken to the trend of throwing shoes at almost anyone and everyone who ever stand up on stage. And with such a huge base of students without a proper direction, we hope to catch’em while they are young and train them in the unfine art of shoe throwing.

Questions to ponder:

Why are all the shoe throwers, and shoe receivers, all men? Injustice is being done by women, and to women. Get rid of your belans, sistas. Keep up with the trend. Join our program.

We don’t have a single documented incident, of the shoe actually hitting the target. Our hope is one of the graduates of our program will do it. Join our program.

Every graduate will be given a certificate along with a shoe that they can proudly carry along. Join our program.

At the end of first three weeks, you will be able to hit a target 20 feet away, after another four weeks, you will comfortably hit a target 35-40 feet away. If you need a longer aim, please join our shooting class. Join our program.

Advanced training techniques will include, the right kind of shoe to wear, how to dress deceptively and look like a non-thrower, how to escape, and if you cannot, how to make the maximum use of the rewards that you will get.

Without any political backing, if you get caught, Indian Police will make sure you will never require shoes again in your lifetime, so for the politically weak among you, we also offer running lessons (without shoes – coz you have already thrown’em) at a discounted price. Join our program.

You can also claim injustice, to your community, caste, race, age group, economic status, or religious rights to resist prosecution if you are caught.

Do you even know what aglets are? Join our program

If you plan to use the shoe against this blogger, or the faculty, or at your graduation ceremony, don’t join our program.

Future additions to the course will include -

Swollen lip or black eye? Where to aim.
How to hit a dodgy speaker?
How to dodge a shoe thrower (politicians only)?
How to win a fortune by losing a shoe?
and more, please join our program.

Our motto -

One, two,

unBuckle my shoe;

Three, four,

Stand on the floor;

Five, six,

Pick up the shoe;

Seven, eight,

Aim it straight:

Nine, ten

Do it right and then nau do gyarah;

Your’s shoefully,

-UberDesi.

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