Growing up we were told: Keep your head down, eyes averted , be ladylike .The nuns at school would not let us run in the hallways – no matter what the emergency. We had to walk like ladies, talk like ladies.
The conventional wisdom drilled into us when we – oh so often – encountered that loathsome breed – the roadside Romeo was -Don’t respond. Don’t acknowledge the insult. Don’t make eye contact. Keep your head down,keep traveling like nothing happened – like no-one was saying filthy things or passing lewd remarks. Later in college when I lived in a girls’ dormitory we were locked in at 9 am like caged animals “for our own protection against anti-social element “. Random boyfriends would tell us “Don’t dress provocatively because you will attract the wrong element”. Not once did anyone in authority suggest that the problem was with the Roadside romeos, with the anti-social elements, with the “wrong kind” – whatever that was. The onus was always on us. We were women -we were to be subjugated, controlled and made to fit into whatever the ( male?) view of a “good” girl was.
So I did all those things- kept my head down, did not make eye contact, wore only sarees to office. But surprisingly (!) they did not work. The Roadside Romeos continued to spout filth. I have been groped in Buses and trains. When I was in a sales job, corporate clients made unwanted passes at me. Being a “good” girl just did not work. It made me feel helpless and powerless.
Come 2009 and Muthalik and his lumpen friends demonstrate their vaunted masculinity and deep pride in some amorphous concept of “culture” by entering a pub and roughing up girls in broad daylight and proudly calling the media to witness the event. And sadly and equally predictably there has been an outpouring in the columns of the press of a peculiarly vile kind: articles about how we need to endlessly navel-gaze and figure out if “pub culture” is acceptable in India ( 1, 2) . See Dr.Acharya’s statement – The State thinks that this is a good time to discuss whether “pub culture” is acceptable or not. This is akin to asking a raped woman what she was wearing – an attempt to blame the victim. Somewhere,tucked away amidst all that angst over the “attack on Hinduism” that the columnists’ perceive in any criticism of the Mangalore attacks surely, surely they must express some shock and disgust at the violence perpetrated on the Mangalore women? No ? Where is the outrage at this breakdown in civility- this utter contempt for the rights of an entire gender? Are women not citizens with full rights? Are they to be marginalized and remain silent ?
Why blame the Consortium of Forward and Loose Pub – going women who want to send pink chaddis to the Ram Sene? When no one seems willing to unequivocally condemn the Ram Sene , what is wrong with some women getting together and making a symbolic protest? Don’t underestimate the power of symbolism. The Dandi march ended with a symbolic fistful of salt . We understand the symbolism of unhappy workers wearing black bands to work. Rosa Parks sat down on a bus and started something that culminated in the passage of equal rights for all. The chaddi is not a chaddi but a response. Personally I think its a good one – in one sense an “emasculating” gesture. We are not ashamed of being women , of wearing chaddis or taking them off, of sending them to those who want us to shut up and stay home.
The Pink Chaddi is this group’s answer to the Ram Sene’s hooliganism. The issue is NOT Valentine’s day- the issue is whether we let a motley crew of goondas decide what is “acceptable” behavior. We choose not to retaliate with violence of our own. The Pub Bharo is symbolic. Sure, it may not resonate with everyone. But then the Ram Sene did not attack everyone. The Ram Sene started this with direct action against women sitting in a pub. The message they want to send is this: You are a woman. You are not allowed to sit in a Pub. The fitting reply then is this: Go and sit in a pub if you choose to. Because you are a full fledged citizen of India, because no-one except you has the right to make that choice for you.
The State has its share of blame but the State did not beat up women. The State has not yet declared Valentine’s day verboten. The Ram Sene did. And Pink Chaddis or Pub Bharos and the greater fight for equality are not mutually exclusive. It does keep the issue alive and will not let the Ram Sene’s hooliganism be forgotten like so many atrocities are. The Ram Sene did what it did. Now women need to do what they want to do. If it means sending a pink chaddi or downing a beer – so be it. No one is trying to take the focus away from the larger issue of civil rights. It put the focus squarely back on the issue like no amount of speech-ifying by politicians can. No one is saying this is the only way to protest . Send a greeting card, speak up , do something- anything that makes you feel empowered. Being a “good” girl is NOT an option.
The schizophrenic attitude of India towards females has long manifested itself in the Madonna/Whore objectification of women. Either they are worshiped as Shakti or else vilified as sluts. There is no in-between – no possibility of women being treated as people first, gender-specific objects later. If the Ram Sene had beaten up a group of boys and that group fought back with blows of their own – we would not be having this discussion. Because Boys will be Boys – that is also accepted wisdom.
Our own misogyny is so internalized that the thought of women actually answering back with Pink Chaddis or Pub Bharos is uncomfortable. But dissent means getting out of your comfort zone. Because silence is NOT an option – it is never an option.
Update: Its not all fun and games – see this!
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