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Economics

Rescue me!

By: Runa :+: Under: Economics, Humor, Sarcasm
On: ⋅ October 5, 2008 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment
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Dear Government,

We have not connected for some time now. I have been quite faithful in my communication with you. I even send you a yearly update via my tax forms, and always, always enclose a hefty check. You don’t call, don’t write - except to send me cold, form letters telling me what I owe you. I give, and I give and I give and get nothing in return. This will not do. It has to be a two-way street else this relationship can’t last. However, I do not want to let so many years of investment (all mine) in our relationship go to waste so I am making the first move here - work with me.

Let me start by catching you up on how things have been with me. Not too good I am afraid. Prices are going up like Rakhi Sawant’s hemlines and things just aren’t the way they used to be. For example, this morning I emptied my wallet to fill up the gas tank on my car. The price on the pump changed twenty times upward as I watched. I am not complaining. After all, Kathy Fuld - wife of Lehman Brothers’ CEO Richard Fuld has to sell her $ 20 million art collection (link). Compared to that kind of loss, my sacrifices of food, clothing and shelter are nothing, nothing! Poor Mrs.Fuld- I feel for her deeply. After all, one must have beauty in one’s life - else what is left to live for?

Thats why I am thrilled to hear that you are doing something to help others like the Fulds and passing a $750 billion bailout bill so that other CEOs do not face the same fate as Mr.Fuld and his family did. CEOs like Alan Fishman - who lost his job in just 18 days. (link) Poor Alan. (Actually not so poor, since he did make $ 13.65 million! After all its not his fault that the bank collapsed - or is it? Never mind - one should not delve too deeply into these things.

I fully understand that these things happen. Why should Wall street be penalized for bad decisions and unbridled greed?  Why should anyone be punished for incompetence? Like a knight in shining armor, dear Government, you are sweeping down and saving their sorry a**es. I confess to feeling a teeny bit jealous. Last week, my boss chewed me out for a moderately bad decision I made on a business deal. I didn’t see you anywhere, dear Government - where are you when I need you? But I should be more understanding of your time.

Though your time and attention are monopolized by all these CEOs, I still have faith in our relationship because I believe you have not forgotten me completely. At least that’s what I thought when I heard that Nancy Pelosi (speaking on your behalf,I am sure!) said that the recent $ 750 Billion bailout bill must be passed:

“We must win it for Mr. and Mrs. Jones on Main Street” (link)

(Now, I know when Nancy said the Joneses she also meant the Garcias/ the Chens/ the Runas etc- surely the democrats would not be *that* exclusive!) I am so happy to hear that finally you have decided to pay some attention to me after years of cruel neglect. But I am not going to complain. I know you are looking out for me. This $750 billion bill is such good news. Now I know that there are the naysayers who are talking trash about you and bringing up irrelevant facts such as $223 million in tax breaks to Alaskan fisherman and $128 million of tax relief for the manufacturers of car racing equipment( link). Let them talk -but I believe in you.You are the best Government that money can buy. My belief in you in steadfast and secure.

I say let bygones be bygones. A quick calculation shows me that $750 billion divided by 130 million taxpayers works out to the bargain price of $5769.23 per taxpayer.

Tell you what - send me a check for $ 5769 and all is forgiven.

Lets make a fresh start!

Yours forever,

Runa

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