[...] Spot the desi stereotypes! After her death, he remarried a woman of Indian descent and never told this wife about either Sparkle or Alana! [...]

When a girl gets married in India, tradition dictates that she is welcomed to the in-laws house as an incarnation of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth.

For Muslims and Christians as well? I know religious hybridity exists in India to a large degree, but I was not aware that it extended to this.

When will we change?

Who is ‘we’? Is this a generational charge? I don’t see any generation as being particularly given over to ordering murders.

For Muslims and Christians as well?.

Lakshmi is a Hindu goddess but I know that irrespective of religion , welcoming the bride or “muh dikhai” ( literally showing the face) in one form or another is part of every community’s tradition in India. There is always a ceremony associated with the bride ’s arrival to the in-laws home. For example, the bride kicking a vessel full of rice as she enters is something that happens across religous traditions

Who is ‘we’? Is this a generational charge?

We= all of us desis who persist in believing in outmoded values even if they end in murder

i am not saying that any generation is more prone to murder than the next - its the thought process that gets to me.

Runaji,
Thank you for bringing this to people’s attention. It really is the kind of story that makes you want to throw up. Although it may plumb new lows in the diasporic experience, it is not wholly unknown in South Asia itself (whether for inter-religious, or inter-caste or for inadequate dowry - the parents(-in-law) bump off the unwanted daughter/son-in-law). Sometimes it happens even before they get married. Perhaps in this case, that same mentality resurfaced.

Although, in being reflexively defensive, I might have originally said that while misogyny, racism, and parental over-control are universal, the elder Rai’s behavior is way off the scale, and he is not representative at all.

But both his own and is son’s behavior should give us great pause, because such things do happen in South Asia, and they may now be happening in the diaspora with greater frequency than we like to admit.

On a more personal note: we’ve interacted on SM - I wanted to congratulate you on your column here, and wish you, Santosh, Karthik & Co., and your readers and commenters a Happy 2008, and I’ll be sure to stop by here more often!

Thanks so much,chachaji, for your kind words of encouragement.

the elder Rai’s behavior is way off the scale, and he is not representative at all.

I do not think that the Elder Rai’s behavior is representative at all- but this whole incident made me stop and think. If we - the South Asian community - choose not to pause and reflect on the uglier side of the stuff we let slide - racism, misogyny,abuse, parental control - occasionally it can end up with serious consequences.Hopefully- as we integrate - this kind of thing will never happen again

If we - the South Asian community - choose not to pause and reflect on the uglier side of the stuff we let slide - racism, misogyny,abuse, parental control

Well, I don’t hold back and it’s made many relatives whom I love dearly very wary of asking me anything/including me in family-wide discussions. Isolation is cold comfort for staying true to your own morals.

there are many shades of gray between holding views containing misogyny/racism and killing an ‘undesirable’ daughter-in-law.

Isolation is cold comfort for staying true to your own morals.

True- its taken me a long time to “not hold back”.I used to keep quiet to keep the peace but lately, I am more assertive. One of the perks of growing older is that I can afford to worry less about how I am perceived within the family!

there are many shades of gray between holding views containing misogyny/racism and killing an ‘undesirable’ daughter-in-law.

Evidently there is a point where the consequences are more serious than just holding undesirable views. I wonder: what is the tipping point?

[...] 2008! I cannot tell you how sad I am to write yet another column about a terribledesi crime. As if killing your daughter-in-law because she is of a different race is not bad enough, our tipster Manish sent us this tale of a desi dad in Illinois who killed his [...]

Thanks for bringing this up, the Rai’s should be ashamed of their behaviors, they will get their due punishment here and after life. Chiman Rai is better off with God than with these despicable characters.

Chris,
Welcome !
I assume you mean “Sparkle Rai is better off with God “

dont jump on the wagon..he is still the accused here. the jury has not spoken yet. keep your views on Rai for yourself until then.

not guilty until proven. thats the civilian law.

Pardon me,
Aren’t Indians part black?. Some ‘indians’ are way darker than some black people. Brown eyes and black hair (regardless of texture) are not caucasian. Some people just need to get off their high horses. None of us wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for black people. It’s even more shocking that he had the audacity to go to a predominantly black school to teach but wouldn’t have blacks in hs family. I suppose the fact that he is a killer is something to boast about as an accomplishment where he came from. Rather pathetic!.

“as an accomplishment where he came from”

what is that for?

and we, indians do not need to get off high horses just because we are not caucasian or a single person may have killed[remember, there is no judgement ,yet] a black daughter-in-law. india is far beyond what you can comprehend and dont try to take cheap shots in the disguise of supporting black people.

Pardon me,
Aren’t Indians part black?. Some ‘indians’ are way darker than some black people. Brown eyes and black hair (regardless of texture) are not caucasian.

The purpose of this blog and this column is NOT to incite racial hatred of any kind. We have zero tolerance for this. A discussion on what race Indians come from is not conducive to any meaningful dialog so lets not go there.

india is far beyond what you can comprehend and dont try to take cheap shots in the disguise of supporting black people.

Agreed. India is far beyond what anyone - Indians included - can comprehend.

ok im not trying to say all Indians but it does seem like Indians do have this hatered for people of African descent. And this has always tripped me out because some of you guys are wayyyyyyyyyy darker then some African Americans.

hmm the influence of european standards of living and beauty has just turned this world upside down. you got people who are the close/and are the same shade as others hating each other, you got people just acting crazy!

When will everyone learn the difference between ethnicity, culture, and race. India is a country; thus, the people of India are called Indians. Just like in America, the people that live there are called Americans. The phrases, Indian or American, cannot determine a person’s race. Race is determined by skin color, not your geographical location or cultural affiliation. Unfortunately, history has divided race into two categories - whites and non-whites (a.k.a. minorities). I think that Runa and KC should also reread their posts and avoid inciting racial hatred as well. As for Wendy’s post, I believe she makes a good point, although it does come off rather harsh. It is scientific and historical fact that humanity began in Africa. We’re all human beings and related in one way or another, so we should just put aside the negativity and live good lives with one another. Peace and blessings to all.

May Sparkle Rai rest in peace. My heart goes out to Alana Rai, who will never know her mother and isn’t accepted by her paternal family.

why should i re-read my post? is there anything in there which is legally/ethically/morally wrong? does my post indicate that indians are superior to anyone in anyway or does it indicate that other cultures are inferior?.

“wendy has a good point but comes off harsh”
read her post. she is clearly blaming the whole group for a single incident[which may not have happened in the first place].

and ofcourse i’m proud of my culture, my heritage and my family. i expect others to feel the same for themselves. every culture has contributed something to this world.
stereotyping black men as drugpeddlers, white men as pedophiles, white women as s***s or indian men as racists doesn’t make any one race superior.

Ok I’m saying this one LAST TIME:

There is NO TOLERANCE for racism of any sort here

Now that wendy,WI and kc have all crossed the line - I am pulling the plug on comments

Quick note:
The intent of such posts is to address some of the social shortcomings that exist among some people in the Indian community, a community that lives in a complicated multi-cultural American society.

The reason we provide the comments area for such sensitive posts is because we hope to overcome these barriers by holding discussions in a civil and mature manner. It is obvious from the last 5-6 comments on this 6 months old post, that the discussion forum serves no useful purpose but to further the agenda of the commentators. We have no control on what visitors post but we do hold the right from restricting them from using our blog as a pulpit for their agendas.

So, as much as I hate doing this, comments will be closed for this post. Anyone who wants to continue discussions on this post can do so by contacting us through our Tipster page and we may choose to include your opinions or not.

[...] We posted Sparkle Rai’s story on Über Desi last year. This story has generated some heated (and in some cases, unwarranted) comments in recent days. [UD Story] [...]

[...] defer to Runa’s post from last year on this case: When a girl gets married in India, tradition dictates that she is welcomed to the in-laws house as [...]