Sick in India: When urban legends come true
No wireless Internet in this hospital room
I’m sure most NRIs, DBDs, ABDs – whatever you designation be, have come across numerous horror stories of health issues desi people encountered when they were on a short visit to India. I’ve been fairly lucky that I managed to dodge that bullet over the last 8 years. But the law of averages caught up bigtime this trip.
A few quick notes from my recent trip to an emergency room in India:
- When your stomach starts hurting so bad you take yourself to the E.R. be afraid, be very afraid.
- Why the f@#k, do doctors insist on pushing hard on a spot you told them hurts like hell?? Where’s the f@#king trust??
- When the hospital staff tells you the only available accomodation this late at night is in the general ward, be afraid, be very afraid.
- Bed bugs are the least of your problems in the general ward.
- Also a question to the guy in the bed across from me, why does your whole f@#king family have to stay there with you? Granted the hospital has a western-ishtyle toilet and running warm water to shower. But still, seriously dude/uncle, please leave your hordes of wives, sons, daughters, grandchildren, in-laws, mamas, bhanjas, chahcis – at home, or even better ask them to visit separately if possible, out of respect for your fellow patients.
- Sticking needles in your veins is no fun. I can’t believe some people do it just to get high.
- Healthcare is really affordable and flexible in India. When the doctor suggests CT scans and ultrasonograms without having to utter “have to check with insurance“, you know its the patients and doctors that are running the show and not some scumbag insurance companies.
Anyway after having a few breathless moments in anticipation of the test results, turns out it was some gastrointestinal thingy – no ruptured appendicitis(sic??) or spleen. I get to hang out at home over the next few days, eating bland food. So much for my dreams of “obligatory visits to relatives’ and friends’ homes which will be accompanied by copious amounts of kaapi, dosai, chai, samosas, chivda, jalebis, gulab jamuns and soft drinks enough to feed a few families in some sub-Saharan famine struck nations“.
Since I’m not really accustomed to the programming on the local cable channel, I guess I’ll be stuck watching naach-gaana clips on MTV and V, and reruns of blockbusters on Zee and Sony.
By the way, I made an absolutely amazing discovery on one of the TV channels – there are cowboys in Andhra Pradesh and Tamil Nadu, no kidding. Evidence shall be presented soon. Stay tuned. Jai Hind.
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