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Culture

Who wants to be gora??

By: Santosh :+: Under: Culture, Desi Ishtyle, Entertainment, Humor, It Happens Only in India
On: ⋅ June 18, 2007 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment
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Desi guys. Look no more. Your eternal quest to look like the goras may be coming to an end, if you believe in products endorsed by Shah Rukh Khan, that is.

Its reigning god (yes, only gods can break the rules) Shah Rukh Khan is going to pitch for a fairness cream. King Khan, as they call him, and Queen Khan as they may call him after he endorses Emami’s Fair & handsome brand.

Now, he’s all set to create a storm in a tube. SRK’s commercial is expected to hit the boob tube in a month.

Experts say Shah Rukh could do for Fair And Handsome what he did for Lux.

Hey, you can always have plastic surgery to compensate in the looks department.

Colonization has truly been replaced by globalization. In our grandparents’ days, people wanted to dress and talk like the goras, our erstwhile British slavemasters. In our time, everyone wants to look like the Amrikan goras, the ones on your TV screen, the ones who are our call center clients. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but if that means lathering yourself with a pigment-altering lotion, studies on the long-term effects of which are conspicuous by their absence, then I think I’ll pass.

But I’m a big fan of the concept of capitalism and free market and if fairness creams and beauty products are selling, and they seem to be, even among men,…………………

According to industry estimates, about 30% of fairness cream users in India happen to be men, and that they have been closet users of the product. The total fairness cream market is estimated at little over Rs 800 crore. Further, a Gillette survey cited by Euromonitor states that urban men in India spend an average of 20 minutes in front of the mirror each morning, while women primp for 18.

………………… then I’ll pitch in with my own contributions on what my first gen brothers in Amrika and my friends from the old country, have to do to to be like the goras on television and Hollywood philums.

Uber Disclaimer: Sugar coating is not my forte. I’m myself guilty of some infractions mentioned below (no, not the mullet). But I don’t use fairness creams. So I’ll take this in humor and I strongly suggest you do so. Unless, of course, you’re a desi guy using fairness creams. Then feel free to be offended.

1. Get rid of the cockroach like hair growing under your nose. Moustaches are so 1970s. They are not known as pornstaches without a reason. If you want to keep a moustache, at least have one that will entertain your fellow humans. Maybe a Hitler ishtyle moustache so you look like Asrani from Sholay.
2. While you’re taking the scissors or razor to your moustache, please treat your gorgeous and lush mane, with a courtesy buzz. Bushy hair may not be 1970s but its definitely 1980s. Also, this may be a news flash, but mullets are out.
3. And while we are on the topic of hair, Anil Kapoor called. He wanted his ear, nose, eyebrow and body hair back.
4. The goras on TV don’t wear a banian with their belly sticking out, do they? You shouldn’t either. A few ab crunches won’t hurt, ok they will, but they’re healthier in the long run.
5. What’s the deal with the plaid full shirt and tight jeans in the middle of summer? Oh right, I forgot. They prevent your sensitive brown skin from getting darker. This is just my opinion, but being brown aint that bad. At least you won’t have to visit a tanning salon.
6. Here’s a list of breath mints ** hint hint **
7. Please, I mean please, I beg you, please, dont take your shoes off in an enclosed space.

Opening the floor for tips from our uber readers.

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