We get tired of repeating the proven adage “India is a land of paradox”. Case in point [BBC]

Health officials in the Indian state of Rajasthan are launching a new campaign in an effort to reduce the high population growth in the area. They are encouraging men and women to volunteer for sterilisation, and in return are offering a car and other prizes for those who come forward.

Of course, the prizes are also in keeping with our “cost-conscious” nature”

Among the rewards on offer is the Indian-made Tata Nano – the world’s cheapest car.

While not along the lines of Sanjay Gandhi’s alleged forced sterilization program, there is still something Orwellian about the government bribing people to make changes to their reproductive organs, however well-intentioned it might be.

And why is this paradoxical? While Rajasthan is bribing people to sterilize themselves, across the country, our good ole’ friends the Khasi tribe were paying couples Rs. 1000 per child to produce more children.

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The Times of India has done it again. Having long abandoned any pretense of journalistic integrity, here is the latest rubbish from our favorite go – to desi paper.

Under the cringe inducing headline “ Study links lesbianism to career” ,   the TOI quotes a dubious study from un-named NGOs in Chandigarh that : ( I am not making this shit up – this is a direct quote!)

A study by two NGOs to understand the nature of lesbian behaviour in the city has found that most women take to this alternative sexuality while staying in hostels of educational institutions or working at call centres and marketing companies

Apart from personal choice, the reasons for these women’s (sic) turning lesbian were found to be an abusive childhood or being widowed or divorced.

There is zero mention of genetic predisposition and makes the whole issue of homosexuality sound like a lifestyle choice as opposed to a congenital orientation.

This sounds like it was dictated by the far right – defense of marriage act types in the US …

Anyways, I matched their “checklist” against my personal history and:

- Stayed at hostel of educational institution : Check

- Working at call centers or marketing companies : Check

- Abusive childhood : No

- Widowed or Divorced : No

Does this mean there is a 50 % chance I am going to play for the other team ? But, but …I love Bruce Willis ..so that can’t be true? Can it ? Can it?

Who writes this crap?

If I’m to believe LivingSocial, I have to try out a new Indian restaurant in my neighborhood because the Beatles went to India in the 60s and shared some ganja with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Don’t believe me? Check out the email I got from LivingSocial.

In 1968, The Beatles and their entourage journeyed to India to study transcendental mediation under the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. Out of this trip came a healthy dose of spiritual enrichment, most of the classic White Album… and lots of infighting. For a taste of India without all that messy drama, enlist a little help from your friends, and head to *redacted*, where you’ll get $30 worth of food and drinks for just $15. Load up on authentic Indian cuisine at the lunch buffet (only $6.95 on weekdays), or order up a dinner full of meaty and veggie options like tandoori chicken and a potato-and-onion-stuffed rava masala dosa. Just don’t meditate too long on this deal, ’cause it’s splitting faster than the post-Yoko Fab Four.

Let me preface this rant by saying that, obviously, being from India, I love Indian food. In fact, I <3 most regional Indian cuisines. But then again, so do I <3 most popular world cuisines. Indian restaurants in the US with their lack of variety and imagination (tandoori chicken, tikka masala, dosa) frustrate me to no end. Tack on their marketing jargon, combining Indian food and exoticism, and I actively start to root against them.

Maybe it’s just cynical ole me, but does anyone really believe in this *pardon my Hindi* holycowshit marketing? Why would eating greasy overpriced tandoori chicken and rava dosa in an eating establishment in suburban America give people an experience similar to that of the Beatles’ ‘68 stoner trip? Why does everything coming out of India have to be advertised as spiritual/transcendental/enlightening? I think this kind of marketing is disingenuous, almost insulting to it’s target audience.

What do you think?

Dr.Susan Xiao -Ping “Su” was arrested last week at her home in Pleasanton, California bringing one chapter in the entire sordid Tri Valley University scam to a close. UD had covered this earlier here.

From the Pleasanton patch newspaper:

Susan Xiao-Ping Su, 41, of Pleasanton, founder of Tri-Valley University, was arrested Monday after being indicted by a federal grand jury on 33 counts relating to student visa fraud, wire fraud, money laundering, alien harboring and making false statements, among other violations   ( link)

If you visit the Tri Valley University website, it displays a final message from Dr.Su:

The final message from Ms. Su as TVU’s President is an ENCOURAGEMENT to you all to MOVE ON! Let me give the closure by reminding and ensuring you all that: after the darkest moment is the dawn— a new day with the sun rising and shining!

In His Service and Grace!

I paraphrase an old saying  “Religion: The last refuge of scoundrels!”

As for the students, an ICE spokesperson told India – West that several of the students have been placed in deportation proceedings.

Kice confirmed that several former TVU students have been placed in deportation proceedings, but could not confirm the exact number by press time  (link)

The Boulder Court office where the so -called University operated is now closed. Presumably, it will be seized by the government and auctioned off.

I passed by the other day and took a photograph to show you all. Its closed up and abandoned. A gentleman from the neighboring unit was smoking outside and as I took the photograph he gave me a wry smile.

“When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes”
Def Leppard certainly did not have Osama bin Laden being offed in mind, when they penned those lyrics but strangely, the lyrics of a sappy 80s hair-metal ballad fit the description of one of the most historically significant events of this young decade.

By now even the most ardent of the below-the-rock dwellers, know how Osama got his comeuppance from the elite US Navy Seal Team 6, one round above the left eye and one in the chest, in a harmonic rendition of the double tap. Random tip (100% free desi ishtyle): always use the double tap when dealing with zombies.

And while we’re at it, let’s call his assassination, ummmm, an assassination, not a killing, slaying or death. Not that it matters anyway, but there’s no shame in this assassination, the bastard deserved to die. I would’ve personally derived great pleasure in doing it myself and I’m not that violent of a person at all, but I digress. The other option would’ve been to capture him and hand him over to his buddies at the TSA as test dummy, but again I digress.

Now that everybody and their uncle has analyzed “the incident” and conspiracy theorists notwithstanding, it’s time for the questions to flow more freely than Osama’s brain matter on the floor of his million dollar mansion, a mere stone’s throw from what can only be described as Pakistan’s version of the West Point.

Questions abound:

Q. How the hell did they track him down?
A. Osama was fond of making tapes no one really wanted to see and sending them using a personal courier. Track the product, find the source. In software terms, we call it reverse engineering.

Q. How do we know that Bin Laden is dead?
A. The more important question is, will be pull a Tupac Shakur and continue acting and rapping long after his death. There is no convincing the non-believers, look at the moon landing conspiracy theorists for instance. So screw the non-believers and lets crack open an ice-cold desi tharra instead to celebrate this mosht wondrous occasion.

Q. Pics/video or it didn’t happen
A. This is one of Barack Obama’s shining moments as President of the US&A. Surely, you want him to wait till the elections for the multimedia ppt presentation of Osama’s death?

Q. Why did they bury him at sea?
A. Feeding it to the sharks as opposed to maggots? Good question. I guess at least the sharks have fricking lasers attached to their heads.

Q. Are we any safer?
A. This question was filed from the chronicles of the clueless and the naive. No, not really. But the revenge curry does taste yummy.

Q. Did the Pakistani army know Bin Laden was living in their midst?
Not that Osama being in Pakistan came as a big surprise, in fact far from it, it would’ve shocked me if he had turned up anywhere else. But to me the biggest, pardon my Hindi, WTF question stems from where he was found, as stated earlier, a mere stone’s throw from what can only be described as Pakistan’s version of the West Point. Did the Pakistani authorities not know he was living in a million dollar piece of property with high fences and barbed wires and killer Afghan hounds, to quote a cliche, right under their hirsute noses? As CIA Director Leon Panetta rightly asks “Involved or Incompetent”? On an unrelated note, the same people apparently handle nucular weapons.

Other random stuff:
-Can we have an elite Indian commando team gatecrash the Dawood Ibrahim compound in Pakistan? He’s another candidate full worthy of the double tap love.
-How cool is the story of Shoaib Athar, a Pakistani IT consultant, who accidentally live-tweeted the entire incident? **Insert shameless plug for the Über Desi Twitter feed**