Über Desi » Shedding my Sari

Addicted to Semen?

Amrita — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 02:21:18 +0000

The newest line a man may try to use is, “baby, please let me cum inside of your [insert orifice of choice]… my semen is the best upper… throw away your happy pills and take a drink of daddy’s milkshake.”

While the visual of flossing spermies may not be appetizing, the man may have a point. “Crying over Spilled Semen,” reports that women are addicted to semen and that’s possibly a good thing.

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerfulâ€”and potentially addictiveâ€”mood-altering chemicals.

Semen is more affordable and healthier than crack. Unfortunately even the highest grade of semen has a withdrawal effect:

[W]omen who routinely had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more time elapsed since their last sexual encounter.

Perhaps stressed out spermies are not as addictive? Currently, infertile Afghan couples are flying to India to satisfy their semen addiction. A country with over a billion people + 10 sperm banks = baby batter heaven. Unfortunately sperm and stress don’t mix, “decades of war and exposure to stress leads to hormonal disturbances that can lead to fertility problems.” Is this a recipe for less intoxicating semen, perhaps the O’Doul’s of semen?

Don’t want to suck down the road to semen-aholism? Just say NO to sperm.

Shedding My Sari: STOP. Hammer time.

Amrita — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 17:55:23 +0000

It’s all about your internal clock.

Is there a right time to have sex?

Scientifically you will find that Estrogen and Testosterone are at their highest levels early in the morning. In other words, we’re all “horniest” in the morning. Don’t let that stop you from having a mid-afternoon salt lassi or munching on a spicy taco for dinner.

Sex is like snacking — munch or take a lick whenever you’re feeling hungry minus worrying about calories. Not every sexual act has to lead to hitting the skins or cumming. Of course it’s okay to cum, looks like our uber ladies from Kamasutra land seem to be cumming during foreplay — nice.

And this despite the fact that sexual dysfunction is a common problem â€” an ongoing study, for instance, has found that one out of every ten Indian women suffer from early orgasm response (a condition wherein females reach orgasm during foreplay).

Dysfunction?? That rubs me the wrong way. When did sex = hammer time? Have we learned nothing from President Clinton? Maybe the clit is a bit too overstimulated from rubbing and cumming. Translation: Stop. Continue to play while not touching the vajaja. Proceed with Hammer time if you please.

Shedding My Sari: Hooded Mango Stones

Amrita — Wed, 30 May 2007 15:37:06 +0000

Photo Source
Oh my gawd, Muffy, look at his foreskin.
It’s so big. *Ugh* He looks straight up smelly.
But, y’know, who understand those brown girls. *Eww*
They only talk to him, because, he is diirty, kay?
I mean, his foreskin, is just so ugly *Ugh*
I can’t believe it’s just so stretchy, it’ like,
out there covering his dick, I mean â€“ gross. Look!
He’s just soâ€¦brown!

Got good foreskin? Probably not if you’re white male born in the good ole USA.

Circumcision may have been introduced in an attempt to eliminate masturbation. Didn’t ya know, masturbation leads to blindness?

The United States is no fan of the turtleneck. What’s not cute about a peepee with a little turtleneck or hoodie? Little man gets cold!

The United States is the only country in the world that routinely circumcises most of its male infants in the hospital for nonreligious reasons. More than 80 percent of the world’s males are intact, meaning they retain their foreskins. In 1996, the most recent year for which circumcision figures are available from NCHS, the Midwest led the country in newborn circumcisions with 81 percent, followed by the Northeast with 67 percent and the South with 64 percent. The West trailed with 36 percent.

Circumcision is not prevalent in India. Indians generally don’t think a hooded penis is dirty â€“ they know the secret — pull back foreskin and give the penis a little wash. Voila a clean dick!

Unfortunately, not everyone finds a hooded guy to be a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e. Remember Nip/Tuck when Matt was called an anteater by the tough guys in the locker room? To make matters worse, the poor guy’s girlfriend wasn’t eager to wrap her lips around his anteater. Matt went on to perform a circumcision by himself at home.

Basically, he’s self-conscious about his dick, and he wants a circumcision.

Snip. Snip. Ow!!! Bye bye foreskin which increases a man’s sexual sensitivity and pleasure.

Whatever. She didn’t deserve to wrap her lips around his dick or get the extra benefits of the hoodie.

Men with hoodies can enjoy sex longer without premature ejaculation. Sounds good, eh? The hoodie can make a woman cum. Yummy. Need I say more?

I’ve always been a fan of turtlenecks and hoodies.

Shedding My Sari: Curry & Cum

Amrita — Thu, 24 May 2007 04:08:55 +0000

Picture source: Kitchens of India

Yoni butter and lingam juice is divinely delicious, usually. Give yours a try.

Does it taste like the sweet nectar of the gods or funk-nasty?

Here’s the deal, your juices are altered by what you eat. While I can’t get enough of mamma’s fish curry, I might have to fight the gag reflex with a mouth full of fishy swimmers. Urban dictionary defines fish curry as, “the vagina of an Indian female.” Not so yummy.

Who wants to be known for having a spicy taco?

Alcohol, caffeine, drugs, and heavy spices among other culprits can cause the funk-nasty taste. The good news is that you control the taste of your own cum.

Here are a few tips:

*Drink tons of water and flush out your system.

*Eat plenty of fruits. As if one needed a reason to splurge on heavenly Indian mangoes. Pineapple juice supposedly does miracles.

*Eat plenty of veggies. Stay away from foul smelling veggies like asparagus, cabbage or cauliflower. This is a plus for the non-meat eaters as vegetarians taste better.

*Cut down on chowing down on spices like garlic and onion if you want someone to chow down on you.

*Cleanse out your system with green juice (parsley or wheat grass with a pinch of cardamom, cinnamon, lemon or mint).

*Uber men — wash your balls if they’re sweaty. Sweaty balls taste like Fritos. I’m always down for a tasty corn chip, just not when I’m tea baggin.

The benefit of sweet juices? Uhm, more head of course!