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Snappy jawabs to stupid prashnas

From Runa On 10 April 2008 View Comments

( This is a compendium of the top 6 silly questions I have been asked and answers that I wished I had given.Inspired by MAD magazine’s “Snappy answers to stupid questions”)

1.Did you have an arranged marriage?

a. Yes, I was a child bride /groom at the age of 8

b. No, I accept the blame for it

c.No, actually it was quite chaotic

2. Are you Hindi?

a. Yes, do you believe in English?

b. Yes, and I also speak Hindu

c. Thats personal and I am not comfortable speaking about it

3. I have an Indian friend named Sanjay.Do you know him?

a. Yes.I’m so sorry that he was deported.

b. Is that Sanjay Rama Doddappa Lingappa Kashyap Narayana Murthy Shivarama Krishna Sharma Singh Rao?

c.My religion forbids me to interact with anyone named Sanjay

4.Where are you from originally?

a. The planet X-345 from the Galaxy Cassiopeia. But please don’t tell anyone – I am here on a mission

b.The East Bay

c. That’s a great question.Where are any of us from really? Its all Maya

5. I love Indian food. Do you eat Tandoori Chicken everyday?

a.No, the bird flu kinda put a stop to that

b.Yes- which reminds me – I think I left the Tandoor on and need to go home

c. I am a vegetarian- please don’t mention Chicken - tandoor, butter or tikka in my presence- I may upchuck.

6.You don’t have an Indian ( i.e.Apu) accent.Where did you learn to speak English so well?

a. I was adopted by British missionaries when I was an infant ,found abandoned on the steps of the local temple

b.Rosetta Stone

c. Really ? I was thinking the same thing about your English.

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  • Runa
    they are not necessarily being obtuse or ignorant,


    chachaji,
    Thans for the info.

    I should have added a disclaimer that context is everything. For example, I do not really mind most of these questions provided its not one of the 1st things they ask me after they meet me for the 1st time !
  • Chachaji,
    I never thought about the Arabic angle. Thanks for the info.
  • chachaji
    Runaji,
    Actually, 'Are you Hindi?' is a valid question, especially in the Middle East, where al-Hindi = Indian; al-Hind = India; Hindi movies = Indian movies, whether or not in the language 'Hindi'. However, not only there. Remember the Saare Jahaan Se Accha refrain - Hindi Hain Hum! Hindi Hain Hum! Watan Hai Hindostaan Hamaara!

    When Americans lapse into this Perso-Arabic usage, they are not necessarily being obtuse or ignorant, just reaching into the subconscious for the right adjective.
  • More stupid questions/dumb statements:

    1. Did you have tigers/snakes/elephants on the road in India?
    2. Why is everyone vegetarian in India?
    3. I love Indian culture.
    4. Does everyone work at call centers there?
  • Runa
    Santosh,
    Those are great - love the "monkey brains" one

    Welcome any more stupid questions and answers from our readers
  • Ha ha nice ones. Here's some of my additions to the list

    Q.Did you have an arranged marriage?
    A. Not only did I have an arranged marriage, I had an arranged gay marriage*

    Q. I have an Indian friend named Sanjay.Do you know him?
    A. Yes. If you see that bastage tell him he owes me $1000.

    Q. I love Indian food. Do you eat Tandoori Chicken everyday?
    A. Only when I'm not eating monkey brains. Didn't you watch Temple of Doom?

    Q.You don’t have an Indian ( i.e.Apu) accent.Where did you learn to speak English so well?
    A. I had the English speaking gene genetically fused into me before I was born. (This one is not original)

    * Obviously this is a stupid answer to a stupid question and not meant in malice towards any group of people with alternate lifestyles.
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