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Force India F1

A letter to Patel from the Australian GP

By: Karthik :+: Under: Force India F1, Formula 1, Humor, Motor Racing, Sports
On: ⋅ March 19, 2008 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment
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Regular readers will notice that this is styled after the “Letter to cousin Pedro” featured on planetf1, what can I say, I am just a big fan of them and Force India. So here is Mallya writing to his friend Patel and hopefully he will find the time to keep writing for the rest of this season.

Namaste Patel. Hope all is well with you and I hope bhabi is doing well too.

I know I have not written to you, but I hope you understand that with my new commitment of flying around the world, motivating an old driver, who with a beard will look like my grandfather and giving so many press conferences, writing is going to be so difficult.

Do not tell anyone, but I hate this F1 business yaar. I spend millions of dollars, put my name up and some idiot from Germany, high on Red Bull (It is that energy drink like our Rasna and they give it for free na, so they drink it like its water) crashed into one of my cars. I thought for sure that we have to get a new car, but the mechanics say that we can use super glue to fix it. I said no way, we only use Fevicol.

These Red Bull people should not even be allowed to drive on regular roads. I tell you yaar, my driver Karamchand, he can do better job, And he only gets paid $200 a month. If you don’t believe me, you should hear that other Red Bull driver talk. He is as old as me and he does not look into his mirror when he is driving. He thinks he is driving in Mumbai, what an idiot. And crashes into a Ferrari and then says dirty words to the Ferrari driver, a small boy. He looks like our Mahesh no? So small, I think that is why his car go so fast. After seeing him, I told Fisi, he only eat phulka and chicken vindaloo. Look how thin I became. I also told him, if he wants to drink, I will make him special Kingfisher Diet beer, but he is from Rome, they no listen.

Then he argues with me that all roads leads to Rome, I tell him no baba, this road leads to Khandala, but whatever baba, as long as he can go around the track fast, I am happy.

I am also upset at my chief mechanic, I think I should replace him with Kadar Bhai, you know the guy who repairs my Mercedes. This mechanic did something and now the car has sudden fuel pressure problems. How come no problem during tests, now problem, he says, its racing it happens. Kadhar Bhai will do a better job, I know for sure. I just have to talk to Mol about this, but he does not care that much.

And all these idiots do not understand the concept of luck. I wanted to hang a lemon and chilli thing in front of the car and get my priest to do a pooja but this Gascoyne says it will be bad publicity and will affect aerodynamics. What aerodynamics, I say bloody god will come and push car if it breaks down, but no one will listen to me.

Anyway, hope my luck is better in the next race. We are going to Malaysia, so I asked my wife to send me some home cooked food and maybe I will sneak into the garage at night before the race and hang the lemon and not tell anyone about it.

Your Friend,

Mallya.

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