Thus began a conversation that started with from “hey chica you want some coffee?” to my mom lecturing me on the nuances of chatting with any Lankan girl in marriageable, non-marriageable or any other damn age and the dangers that follow such chats!

It was a night which made me realize that living among the lankans had special rules and regulations one had to follow in order to survive or else… A good friend of my mother blasted into our house and gave quite a lecture on my behavior towards her daughter to my mom and stormed out within a span of 30 minutes. “Ayo us lankans should not act this way no!!” To this my mother responded, “Now what did my son do again????”
This momentous event occurred about a month after I moved to the DC area. According to her, us Sri Lankans should not be treating other Sri Lankans “this” way!!!

So what did I do? Well I invited a friend, who is a female of marriageable age, to coffee with some other friends. We had Chit chat session, laugh and have a beer. This was in NO WAY a date (please observe the block capitals). Lo and behold this general random meeting turned into a whole new story that included

1. Sleeping with her
2. Trying to marry her
3. Actually persuading her far further than I should
4. I am too old for her

Helllo people what the hell!!! One night of (THE total length of the interaction was four hours) a dinner and drinks turns into an adventure, a story with a beginning and end. Wow someone forgot the damn baby in the middle!! Can we please get a hoora from someone??

Since moving to the Lankan community, I have been getting a lot of lectures from my dear parents. About Lankan girls that I have absolutely no intention of sleeping with, dining with, walking holding hands with or going to the movie and smooching with in any time in the future, next life time or after reincarnation. However I still get the lecture, the long speech “you are my only son, if you do not listen to me I will not talk to you anymore”, or “what man what are you doing with her, she needs to stay away from you no!! this is very bad behavior!!”. (You have to understand, every mother thinks their son is the greatest creation world has ever seen. This can be questioned by many…especially on Friday nights!!)

All I had to say is sadhu sadhu or may the good lord have mercy on me and listen patiently. Because the rule is, if you contradict or challenge that means there is something going on!!! (if that happens God Bless!!) So the conversation goes on and on…but stupid me tends to get into these tangles without any common sense and end up hearing the music that follows just a…”hello”. The reader also has to understand that my dear loving parents do not live in this country. Thus you have a communication bridge added with misunderstanding, misinformation, and utter nonsense traveling across the world!!! One can imagine how a story tends to change from one end of the world to other.

It amazes me even more that my mother or aunt is completely fine with me having maybe 5 girlfriends at the same time who are non lankans, however if there is one sniff of a Lankan involved, the questions follow…below is the pattern:

1. Who are the parents? (specific names please, place of residence and oh don’t forget if they are sari wearing lankans or the other kind)
2. Religion (“oh she is Buddhist no…this could be a problem”)
3. Did she go to school? what school? what is she doing now with the degree? (wait your cousin’s (loku uncle) father-in-laws brothers wife use to teach there, I will ask her!!)
4. What part of lanka is she from? (Oh your aunty so and so is from that area wait I can ask her about the family!)
5. I say men is she pretty!!! (to this I am usually speechless and respond “mom why would I go out with an ugly woman?” end of conversation usually)
6. Final lecture….I am telling you putha (son) be careful with these women (she means only the Lankan one, the other four according to her do not even exist), be very careful of her!!!

Now the reader has to realize that I have not asked this girl out yet, have not chatted with her at all concerning any relationship, don’t know where she lives or don’t care. All I probably have done by this point is just mention a girls name to my parents. After a discussion such as the above I give up all hope and never pursue any Lankan or Desi girl at all. Until of course, some other random name pops up.

However there are moments where accidentally there leak of information of me being spotted with a random female. Usually this mode of information travels through some “aunty” who is a close friend of my mother to Hong Kong. This occurs when I am either ordering food in the mall, just flirting in front of Starbucks or trying to help my friend out with a number. Surprise surprise this dear aunty of a friend decides to give her very close friend a hello that day itself. The conversation entails “so so how is it going?, must be a lot of work no?” to which my mother says “aiyoo yes men too much work so so how are you?” and the chit chat will go on for sometime until the main conversation topic is briefed..”so so what is going on with your son?…saw him with a nice lady the other day” to which my mom would go into all kinds of spasms, seizures and total panic and say “what what? naaa ane I did not know anything about this?”.

Typically a random call will follow on a Friday evening when I have taken waay too many adult beverages which usually have taken a deadly toll on my brain cells. It starts with a rude demand” pray tell me who is this girl I am hearing about?”. Usually I am confused thinking my dead grandmother is talking to me, however I get my senses back and say “huh?” followed by “what mama what girl?”. And the story goes on and on. Usually after 30 minutes of “huh?s” and “whats” and “oh lord help my poor heart”. I end up with another long lecture. All the time I am dying for that next drink to be very very strong!!

Thus follows the life pattern of a young adult male, unmarried, from a desi origin with parents who question if it is their child that has grown up to be this!!! I pray I remember these times never to repeat them to my own children.

As a passing word, remember the sari is very important. Or else you will get the “chee chee men…” lecture!!!

Looks like you are one of our regular visitors. Here is our RSS feed, just another way to keep up with the new posts.