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Brown in America

Desis rule office space

By: Santosh :+: Under: Brown in America, Business, Culture, Desi Ishtyle
On: ⋅ August 17, 2007 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment
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A study the University of Tennessee shows that Indian techies have a distinctive edge over their Amrikan counterparts at the workplace.

Now Samir has an edge over Michael Bolton

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It’s not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn’t Michael Bolton.

The Samir in American offices has come a long way from being made fun for his unpronounceable name to being a front runner in productivity. The reason - he cuts to the chase.

Desi tech workers tend to have shorter meetings with fewer people than their US counterparts, says a study by the University of Tennessee School of Information Services. As a consequence, US workers spend half their day in meetings and are more likely to take work home.

Call it impatience, extreme focus or poor communication skills, DBDs (that term is catchy) have this nasty habit of getting to the task on hand without too much emphasis on communication and that, has turned into a positive.

The average US tech professional meeting lasted 55 minutes, compared to 47 minutes in India. More telling, and the real time-waster, was that US meetings averaged eight people compared to five in India. “Anecdotally, it seemed Indians were more focused.

The main casualty of this single-minded focus? Supposedly, innovation.

US firms tend to try involve everyone in the hope this would spur an innovative thought,” said Assistant Professor Suzie Allard.

But that may not be the case as Indian meeting often had an identified lead figure which meant more control over the attendees and better direction on the task on hand. Also, U.S. meetings were fraught with distractions.

US workers were more than twice as likely to be doing something else during such meetings – reading emails, surfing the net.

As a results Indian workers are less likely to end up taking work home. The study also showed workers in the U.S used more email and hence ended up with less verbal communication with each other. An unscientifc study by UberDesi shows, Indians use email not for communication at work but rather to spread unsubstantiated urban legends over the Internet.

Now that desis are beating their Amrikan counterparts in productivity, I declare this as prime time for desis to pick up schmoozing skills. Presenting a list of uber tips that will help you make small talk and win an argument every time, irrespective of whether you are in the right or not.

From my MousepadMaruader blog:

Drink liquor
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you’re drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you’ll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you’ll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You’ll be a WEALTH of information. You’ll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.

Make things up
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you’ll be damned if you’re going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON’T say: “I think Peruvians are underpaid.” Say instead: “The average Peruvian’s salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level.”
NOTE: Always make up exact figures
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: “This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, “You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom.”

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-a-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as “Q.E.D.”, “e.g.”, and “i.e.” These are all short for “I speak Latin, and you don’t.”
Here’s how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, “Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don’t have enough money.”
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, “Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D.”
Only a fool would challenge that statement.

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You’re begging the question.
You’re being defensive.
Don’t compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what “parameters” means.

Here’s how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You’re begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians…
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You’re being defensive.
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler
This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, “That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say,” or “You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.”

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