disÂ·asÂ·ter /dÉªËˆzÃ¦stÉ™r, -ËˆzÉ‘stÉ™r/ Pronunciation[di-zas-ter, -zah-ster] Pronunciation Key – noun
1. a calamitous event, esp. one occurring suddenly and causing great loss of life, damage, or hardship, as a flood, airplane crash, or business failure.
2. Obsolete. an unfavorable aspect of a star or planet.
“Disaster” stuck the blogging world at 1:05 A.M. this morning. Coming back from a long trip to the temple, I initially failed to notice the carnage, due to my contact high from all the camphor fumes. In my hazy defense, the first signs were subtle, almost imperceptible. For instance, the header on my personal blog had moved 2 pixels to the right. More ominous discoveries were coming my wayâ€¦
As I tried to open the door to the Ãœberdesi tiki hut, I realized it would not budge. Something was wedged behind it. Something very large. And heavy.
What followed feels like a daze; Sambol our Srilankan blogger was lying on the floor, with a bottle of arrack in one hand and the punch cards for the post he was writing in the other. Desperate for help, I tried to send smoke signals first to my co-blogger Santosh and then to the Ayurvedic medics, but the “disaster” had drenched everything flammable, rendering it all impossible to burn. It also smelt like pee, but the obstacle was mostly pretty much all the wetness. I decided to take off my polyester shirt and sacrifice it to send the message across, visible hairy body parts were the last thing on my mind.
An hour later the Ayurmedics showed up, but it was too late.
Soon after, I heard ÃœD’s 1931 model A hoopty hack and wheeze as it rolled up, packed with Santosh and his Boston Terrier, “Snickers”. Once we finished completing our intricate secret handshake (looks like this, but it involves Bharatanatyam and Kathakali), he explained that Snickers had been acting very strangely, which is why he was late to work; he was only now returning from the Vet’s office. While there, they incidentally bumped into the SM Intern who had rushed Rajni the monkey over–apparently both animals were exhibiting the same symptoms.
We surveyed the damage starting with our library. It was painful to say the least. The ÃœD Tintin collection lay in ashes. My pet fainting goat (he even found himself in an infamous incident) was eating the precious palm leaves that Sambol used for our meeting notes. As I type this with tear filled eyes, UD’s yoga kitty is nowhere to be found. Ironically, the only thing we owned which had escaped Mother Nature’s fury was the “D” section of our 19th century dictionary, which helped me assess that the meaning for “disaster” was wrong. How could something so insignificant as this so-called disaster leave behind such a big trail of destruction in its wake? Words fail me.
As we readjusted our coke bottle glasses, we decided that it was time for a bloggers threat advisory, modeled after the Department of Homeland Security . We will be setting forth a motion and the only difference in our advisory would be to replace the topmost color, red, with something wheatish, as an homage to those bloggers who spotted the disaster first.
The “disaster” has left us with no books, no representation from Sri Lanka and no alcohol to fuel our thoughts. At this time we would welcome contributions from our readers. Since we are big into bartering , your paper money will have no value for us, at least not right now.
As difficult as it is, someone needs to help us carry out our mission. Someone needs to make the arrack and attempt to fill the void that Sambol has left. If you have made North America your home and you have experience in tending bar, microbreweries or competitive drinking, drop us a line. We might overlook blogging experience in lieu of your knowledge of alcohol. Also, if you could bring a few wonderful things, like books, especially a complete dictionary, it would be very appreciated. We have already identified an outsourcing outfit to copy the dictionary to palm leaves for our friends.
All fun aside, relief efforts are on for the victims of the flood in South Asia. The UN Food Programme is sending up to three months worth of rations to the affected victims. India has refused external help and using The Prime Minister’s National Relief Fund. Make a difference.