Shedding My Sari: Hooded Mango Stones

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Shedding My Sari: Hooded Mango Stones

By: Amrita :+: Under: Health, Humor, Shedding my Sari, Weekly Columns
On: ⋅ May 30, 2007 ⋅

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Oh my gawd, Muffy, look at his foreskin.
It’s so big. *Ugh* He looks straight up smelly.
But, y’know, who understand those brown girls. *Eww*
They only talk to him, because, he is diirty, kay?
I mean, his foreskin, is just so ugly *Ugh*
I can’t believe it’s just so stretchy, it’ like,
out there covering his dick, I mean â€“ gross. Look!
He’s just soâ€¦brown!

Got good foreskin? Probably not if you’re white male born in the good ole USA.

Circumcision may have been introduced in an attempt to eliminate masturbation. Didn’t ya know, masturbation leads to blindness?

The United States is no fan of the turtleneck. What’s not cute about a peepee with a little turtleneck or hoodie? Little man gets cold!

The United States is the only country in the world that routinely circumcises most of its male infants in the hospital for nonreligious reasons. More than 80 percent of the world’s males are intact, meaning they retain their foreskins. In 1996, the most recent year for which circumcision figures are available from NCHS, the Midwest led the country in newborn circumcisions with 81 percent, followed by the Northeast with 67 percent and the South with 64 percent. The West trailed with 36 percent.

Circumcision is not prevalent in India. Indians generally don’t think a hooded penis is dirty â€“ they know the secret — pull back foreskin and give the penis a little wash. Voila a clean dick!

Unfortunately, not everyone finds a hooded guy to be a-d-o-r-a-b-l-e. Remember Nip/Tuck when Matt was called an anteater by the tough guys in the locker room? To make matters worse, the poor guy’s girlfriend wasn’t eager to wrap her lips around his anteater. Matt went on to perform a circumcision by himself at home.

Basically, he’s self-conscious about his dick, and he wants a circumcision.

Snip. Snip. Ow!!! Bye bye foreskin which increases a man’s sexual sensitivity and pleasure.

Whatever. She didn’t deserve to wrap her lips around his dick or get the extra benefits of the hoodie.

Men with hoodies can enjoy sex longer without premature ejaculation. Sounds good, eh? The hoodie can make a woman cum. Yummy. Need I say more?

I’ve always been a fan of turtlenecks and hoodies.

Discussion

6 comments for “Shedding My Sari: Hooded Mango Stones”

1: Unsuitable Girl: The Life of an Internet Whore 2.0 | November 30, 1999, 12:00 am | Direct Link

shedding my sari.â€Â itâ€™s written under the pseudonym â€œamritaâ€ and basically trots out the same tired topics that carrie bradshaw covered like, 10 years ago.Â anyhoo, i WONDER who this new slut of a writer is?Â hmmm?

2: Santosh | May 30, 2007, 2:33 pm | Direct Link

Didnâ€™t ya know, masturbation leads to blindness?

I thought the cliche was “Everytime you masturbate, god kills a puss …. er …. kitten“

3: Fukijama | May 30, 2007, 2:35 pm | Direct Link

If masturbation caused blindness, 95% of the men would be twice blind.

And if you are wondering about the other 5% they comprise of the too old to do anything and people who cannot use their hands because of physical conditions.

Thank god it is a myth.

4: Frandroid Atreides | May 30, 2007, 7:33 pm | Direct Link

Don’t Muslims get circumcised? Isn’t that a large part of India you guys are casually pushing aside?

5: Amrita | May 30, 2007, 7:39 pm | Direct Link

Did you click on my link? I linked to wiki:

Some cultures circumcise their males either shortly after birth, in childhood or around puberty, when it may be part of a rite of passage. Geographically, circumcision is prevalent in Muslim countries, the United States, the Philippines and South Korea. It is less prevalent in Europe, Latin America, China and India. Among religious groups, circumcision is most prevalent among Jews and Muslims.

No, I’m not casually pushing anything aside.

6: anantha | May 30, 2007, 10:19 pm | Direct Link

“A remedy [for masturbation] which is almost alwayssuccessful in small boys is circumcision…” The operation should be performedby a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the pain attending theoperation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it beconnected with the idea of punishment…” John Harvey Kellog, M.D., Treatmentfor Self-Abuse and Its Effects, Plain Facts for Old and Young, Burlington,Iowa; F. Segner & Co., 1888.

Bah! Now, at least for the next few days, with these words in my mind, neither will those frosted flakes go down in the morning, nor will the monkey stand up! I am going to have to go now and watch some classic Sunny Leone drama! But the words “plain facts” do make me laugh! My main man Colbert would love this!

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