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Brown in America

The Wedding Diaries - Part 1

By: Karthik :+: Under: Brown in America, Entertainment, Humor, Opinion, The Wedding Diaries
On: ⋅ January 24, 2007 ⋅ Email this post Email this post ⋅ Print this post Print this post ⋅ Post a comment
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I promised myself and all of you that I would not write about Marriage or anything even remotely related to the topic. But my hands itch and my eyes twitch. For all these months I used to blame it on the extra hot Grande White Choclate Mocha from a certain coffee place. The fact that they ran out of White Mocha today making me settle for something else, combined with the email from my most hated matrimonial website, I think otherwise. Now I am forced to revisit the issue.

coffee.jpgThe Certain coffee place that still keeps my hopes alive.

This section will be updated as and when I find material and critique profiles that are sent to me (I will not leave out any source, but I will not go in search of material). No honestly, between the e-mails from my dad, profiles selected by certain desis*_get_married_here dot com websites, I could write a book and follow it up twice to make it a certain word that cannot be used as it has been copyrighted.

And today as usual I will be dealing with my pet-peeves, starting with how not to express yourself.

Under the “Describe yourself with your expectations and goals” I see this

Laid back, interested in lots of stuff, enjoy video games, fast cars, spending time with friends and family, love pets, especially dogs.

Now I see you going, what is wrong with him, this is perfectly fine. I agree this is fine, but that this is all there is to the profile. Nothing else. One long sentence that tells me NOTHING. Whoever said weddings are for life did not say it loud enough for these people to hear.

And just as I was thinking that this was the worst, I see this on the next profile that apparently matched my requirements

just taking the class in the school ver i am doing undrgrd.

Hmmm why was I thinking that people do something else in school besides taking classes.

Personally a woman who cannot use spell check is like a Honda Civic with Dubs . It could look good from a distance, but the handling is going to be god awful.

And the final profile was what convinced me to blog about the topic. In the about your family section, all I see is this.

Two parents, one brother and a dog.

The dog part is nice, I have two Dobe’s back home that terrorize the neighbourhood and get fed before I do, so I understand. But the rest is a letdown.

A woman who cannot express herself with words is like a F430 with broken brakes. It will be fast but way too expensive to fix.

Forgive me for the car analogies, The “Other” Baby just came off the ship and is now on a truck soon to be reunited and I cannot resist.

* Desis - People from the Indian sub-continent.

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Discussion

23 comments for “The Wedding Diaries - Part 1”

  1. 1: anantha | January 24, 2007, 12:42 pm | Direct Link

    What happens if the material you critique here ends up belonging to the person who gets the final nod? Or are you going to critique only after rejecting? You might have to tread softly cos I have seen (I have personal experiences, whatsoever, btw) cases where rejection happened initially, but things changed the second time. So me thinks this whole critique thing is a time bomb!

  2. 2: Santosh | January 24, 2007, 12:54 pm | Direct Link

    Dude, the problem is not spell check. Its people getting so used to texting, they write like that in real life. Although if she is “doing undrgrd” she may be too young for your middle aged azz :-P

  3. 3: Doing undrgrd | January 24, 2007, 1:05 pm | Direct Link

    Hai Krtk,
    I’m Ld bak, intrstd n lts f stf, njoy vdo gms, fst crs (ur nw BMW wil b gr8 4 me), spndng tim wth frnds n fmly, luv pts, esp dogs.
    I’m jst takin da cls n da schl ver i am doing undrgrd.
    Fmly 2 prnts, 1 bro n a dog.
    Will u mrry me?
    Love,
    Undrgrd

  4. 4: Karthik | January 24, 2007, 2:32 pm | Direct Link

    Anantha: I understand your concern, but most of the material I am using / going to use will be from previous conversations/meetings/emails and public profiles online that get sent to me (via. a useless algorithm). I doubt that I will get into trouble with those things.

    Santosh: You could be write about that. Like a friend of mine once said “You are going to directly have grand kids” sums it up.

    Doing undrgrd: You do know that we here at UD track IP addresses right? So I know excactly who you are.

  5. 5: sambol | January 24, 2007, 2:53 pm | Direct Link

    Yo Karthik r you going to answer doing ungrd or you going to chicken out as usual?

  6. 6: Doing undrgrd | January 24, 2007, 3:18 pm | Direct Link

    Doing undrgrd: You do know that we here at UD track IP addresses right? So I know excactly who you are.

    Krth,
    U r sooooooooo smrt. Wil u mrry me?

  7. 7: E 9 0 | January 24, 2007, 4:14 pm | Direct Link

    fst crs (ur nw BMW wil b gr8 4 me),

    Nein und abermals nein!! This new BMW wants no part of such illiterate threats. Besides, if you are laid back, you are no match (literally) for my transmission. Be gone, text-tard…or I’ll get back on the first barge to Bayern. *shudder*

  8. 8: Honey | January 24, 2007, 5:55 pm | Direct Link

    For the record, my brakes are ceramic.

  9. 9: Karthik | January 24, 2007, 6:09 pm | Direct Link

    A woman who cannot express herself with words

    I know, another reason I never want to stop.

  10. 10: Honey | January 24, 2007, 6:20 pm | Direct Link

    You just added a $14k option…do you have any idea how much my oil changes cost?

  11. 11: Karthik | January 24, 2007, 6:23 pm | Direct Link

    We could go back and forth on this issue all day, but everyone who knows me, knows that I will own a Ferrari, even if it only for a day. So the oil changes do not scare me.

  12. 12: Honey | January 24, 2007, 6:49 pm | Direct Link

    That’s nice. But I’m not talking about a Ferrari…

  13. 13: Karthik | January 24, 2007, 7:12 pm | Direct Link

    What makes you think I was?

  14. 14: Honey | January 25, 2007, 10:01 am | Direct Link

    “Well, for those who have never driven a Ferrari before, the engine starts at low speeds by making the sort of deep growl you expect from a race car. But as you mash the throttle, you don’t get a predictable automotive “vroom vroom.” Instead, you hear the growl develop slowly into a wail, and then into a piercing scream. Heard trackside at races, Ferraris emit a deafening banshee wail…”

    Oh, it was deafening all right…but what else to expect from an M6 taunting a Ferrari. Obviously, the latter won. Handily.

  15. 15: bess | January 25, 2007, 3:25 pm | Direct Link

    “A woman who cannot express herself with words is like a F430 with broken brakes. It will be fast but way too expensive to fix.”

    mein gott in himmel, you forgot another stupid auto analogy: “fun to ride, but hate to be seen on one”
    (alas, the humble moped)

  16. 16: Honey | January 25, 2007, 4:18 pm | Direct Link

    “A woman who cannot express herself with words is like a F430 with broken brakes. It will be fast but way too expensive to fix.”

    Reeeeemix!

    “A woman who cannot express herself well is like an F430 with broken brakes. Useless.”

  17. 17: Karthik | January 25, 2007, 4:22 pm | Direct Link

    Bess: Come to think of it, never used that one before.

    Honey: I would not say useless, that’s a little too harsh. It still is an awesome thing, just needs to be fixed.

  18. 18: Doing undrgrd | January 25, 2007, 4:58 pm | Direct Link

    U LADIES ND 2 BCK OFF. KRTHK IZ MIN.

  19. 19: Honey | January 25, 2007, 5:42 pm | Direct Link

    U LADIES ND 2 BCK OFF. KRTHK IZ MIN.

    Mira, puta…don’t make me take my earrings off. I’ll leave you as messed up as your Ma’s drawers.

  20. 20: uberspeller | January 25, 2007, 9:55 pm | Direct Link

    Girlfriends, I hear he can’t even tame a bull!

  21. 21: Honey | January 26, 2007, 7:08 pm | Direct Link

    who cares? according to “krthk”, women are fragile and notably unbull-like.

  22. 22: uber desi dot com » Blog Archive » Meet the Parents | February 1, 2007, 11:12 am | Direct Link

    [...] -Honey on The Wedding Diaries - Part 1 [...]

  23. 23: uber desi dot com » Blog Archive » Meet the Parents | February 1, 2007, 1:53 pm | Direct Link

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